FADE IN

On the same scene as before. Xena and Gabrielle are standing in the village, with their backs to the rest of the villagers, Hades standing in front of Xena.

The camera pans to the group of villagers as they stare at Hades in shock.

Mutterings in the crowd:
-- Hades?
-- He's a god!
-- Did you see that?
-- The God of the Underworld!

The camera zooms in on the old woman we saw before.

OLD WOMAN (in a quiet, terrified voice):
     Maybe we're already dead!!!

Pan back to Hades.

HADES:
     I am really sorry to bother you, Xena, but as you can see...there's been a problem.

XENA (smirks):
     Let me guess. You're missing a dog.

GABRIELLE:
     Cerberus--the three-headed dog of Tartarus. Of course!

The camera pans back to the villagers.

MALE VILLAGER (sarcastic):
     Took you long enough to catch on!

Gabrielle turns and gives him an irritated look. Meanwhile, Xena glares at Hades, obviously displeased.

XENA:
     So I take it you came to pick up your dog-- (looks around and then glares at Hades again) --and I'm sure you'll fix the damage it caused.

HADES (sighs):
     Well...actually, I'm on a pretty tight schedule. You see, that's how Cerberus escaped. It's been chaos in the Underworld! The shades have rebelled.

GABRIELLE:
     The shades. I take it they're fed up with floating around in despair for eternity?

HADES (shrugs):
     It never bothered them before. Maybe it's because things got a bit lax while... (awkwardly) ...while I wasn't around. Anyway, in the past few weeks, it's gotten totally out of hand! They even sunk Charon's boat, if you can believe it! The lines to the underworld got so long we had to have a waiting list!

XENA (sighing):
     So what are you getting at, Hades?

HADES:
     Well--in the midst of all the chaos, Cerberus managed to break free into the land of the living.

The camera pans around as the old woman comes up and nudges Gabrielle. Gabrielle turns and looks at her.

OLD WOMAN:
     The land of the living! That's us. (beams) I guess we're still alive, then.

GABRIELLE (slightly confused):
     Yeah...

The camera pulls back on Xena and Hades.

XENA:
     So what's the problem? He's escaped. Go ahead and get him back.

HADES (exasperated):
     Xena--can't you take a hint? I want you to get Cerberus for me! I've got to get back and get the situation under control. And as if that wasn't enough, I just had a shipload of pirates come in.

XENA:
     Hades, you're a god.

HADES:
     And you're Xena. Besides... (gives her a sly look) ...what happened to "people don't need the gods to help them"?

GABRIELLE (glances at Xena and speaks in a half-whisper):
     He's got a point.

Xena sighs.

XENA:
     Monsters were never really my thing. That was more Hercules' department.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh really?

XENA:
     Well there were a few exceptions.

GABRIELLE:
     Not to mention Elis Island and the dragon, the chimera--

XENA:
     All right, Gabrielle--you made your point.

Gabrielle smirks.

HADES (hastily):
     Well, good--I'm glad we've gotten that straightened out. Wish I could stay and chat, but...

GABRIELLE:
     Wait, wait, wait! How are we supposed to--?

HADES:
     I'm sure Xena can figure it out. Just catch him and I'll take it from there.

Hades dematerializes in a flash of light as the villagers gasp in awe. Xena and Gabrielle turn around to face them. Everyone looks at them expectantly.

XENA (sighs):
     Looks like we've got a dog to catch.

They turn and walk toward their horses.

GABRIELLE (sighing):
     Gods. Can't live with them, and can't live without them... (pauses) ...literally.

XENA:
     Yeah, well--I'm getting a little sick and tired of cleaning up their messes.

GABRIELLE:
     Hades does have a point, though. We've always said that mortals shouldn't depend on the gods to help them when they can help themselves.

XENA:
     Yeah, well--maybe the gods shouldn't depend on mortals to help them when it's their three-headed dog on the loose.

GABRIELLE (stops suddenly and stares down at the ground with a shocked expression on her face):
     Uh...Xena.

Xena stops as well and turns.

XENA:
     What is it?

GABRIELLE (points down):
     Look.

Xena walks up to Gabrielle as the camera pans down to show the ground in front of Gabrielle, and a giant paw print.

GABRIELLE:
     This is one big dog.

XENA (shrugging):
     What did you expect?

GABRIELLE:
     Uhh...something smaller?

XENA:
     You mean, like Horace?

Xena smiles a little, lost in reverie, then shakes it off. She and Gabrielle approach their horses.

OLD WOMAN (off-camera):
     Xena!

Xena and Gabrielle stop and turn around. A group of villagers is following them; the old woman steps forward.

OLD WOMAN (to Xena):
     Xena and (to Gabrielle) ...uh...you--we have good news for you!

XENA:
     And that would be?

OLD WOMAN:
     You're in luck--my son is coming with you.

A gangly young man with dark oily hair, with a large pack on his back, steps forward.

GABRIELLE:
     I--thank you, but I don't think we need anyone else coming along.

OLD WOMAN:
     Anyone? He isn't just anyone! He's the village dogcatcher!

She grins proudly. The villagers cheer.

OLD WOMAN (excitedly):
     Isn't that great?!

YOUNG MAN (proudly):
     Hello, ladies. My name is Talis, I am a professional dogcatcher and I am here to save the day. (Xena and Gabrielle exchange amused glances as he comes closer.) And may I say--I am really looking forward to working with the Mighty Warrior Princess herself.

Xena crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a once-over, grinning crookedly.

XENA:
     You may. But I think we'll be able to handle this one on our own.

OLD WOMAN:
     But you don't understand. It's the boy's job!

The villagers mutter and nod in agreement.

TALIS (showing off):
     Yeah. You know, if you want to catch a dog (points to his head) you have to think like a dog.

Mutters of "Yeah!", "That's right!" are heard from the villagers.

XENA (sighs):
     Fine, you can come along.

The villagers cheer.

TALIS (grins):
     You won't regret this, gorgeous.

Xena rolls her eyes as Gabrielle snickers.

XENA (brusquely):
     Let's go.

She mounts Argo. Gabrielle gets in the saddle too, and they ride off at a trot. Behind them Talis begins to jog to keep up; he drops his backpack, spilling his supplies--a rope, a dog collar, a muzzle, and some doggy biscuits. Xena and Gabrielle pull their horses to a stop and watch, obviously amused, as Talis picks up his things and stuffs them back inside the pack.

XENA (smirks):
     Does he remind you of someone?

Gabrielle looks at Talis and smiles.

GABRIELLE (to Xena, quietly):
     So why exactly is he coming with us?

XENA:
     Well, who knows. Maybe he really will be of some help. (off Gabrielle's skeptical look) Besides, all of the villagers seemed pretty set on having him come along. Look, this animal trashed their homes. Maybe it's important for them to know that one of them is doing something to stop it. You know--to have faith in themselves.

Gabrielle shrugs.

CUT TO

Countryside. Xena and Gabrielle are walking on foot, leading their horses along a path. Talis walks in front of them, tracking the large paw prints.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     So what's the plan?

XENA:
     Well, after we catch up with it--

TALIS (turns, clearing his throat):
     Let me tell you exactly what we have to do. (off Xena's glare) Well, after all, sweetheart, I'm the dogcatcher.

Xena grabs him by the neck and pulls him close.

XENA (grins dangerously):
     All right, let's get a few things straight. First, you'll be dog food if you try any of that "sweetheart" stuff again. Second--like I said, we do things my way. Got it?

Talis nods as Xena removes her hand from his neck and gives him a slight pat on the cheek.

XENA (smiling):
     Good, glad we have an understanding.

Talis, looking stunned, suddenly gives her a beatific smile and touches his cheek where she touched him.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena, why don't we try Talis' plan.

XENA (stunned):
     What?

GABRIELLE:
     Well, it is his profession...

XENA (shocked):
     All right... (turns to Talis, through clenched teeth) What's your plan?

TALIS (importantly):
     First, we have to find the pooch.

XENA:
     Don't worry, we'll find it. Then what?

TALIS:
     Well... (he takes off his pack and rummages in it) first we use one of these (shows a bone-shaped doggy biscuit) to lure the animal...

XENA:
     A doggy biscuit. (smirks) We're talking about Cerberus. You know, the three-headed Hound of Tartarus?

GABRIELLE:
     Well, Xena, it's still a dog. (to Talis) Maybe you should use three biscuits.

TALIS (nods):
     Good idea. (shows a coil of rope) Then we use this to trap it... (Xena gives him a dubious look) And then, for especially unruly beasts...there's this.

Talis pulls out a small dart. Gabrielle gives him a puzzled look.

XENA:
     Let me guess. This is supposed to put him to sleep.

TALIS (grins wickedly):
     This baby has enough strength to knock out a horse. (Argo neighs and Talis gives her a nervous look.) Uh-I didn't mean that literally.

GABRIELLE (smiles encouragingly):
     Sounds like a great plan.

XENA (annoyed):
     Fine, we'll try it your way. (Quick pan to Gabrielle, who is smirking a bit, and then to Talis, who beams with pride.) But first, we have to find the dog.

TALIS:
     Allow me! (He strides resolutely ahead of Xena and Gabrielle, then turns around) I'm a professional dogcatcher, you see. When it comes to tracking a dog, I'm your man.

He walks ahead, scrutinizing the tracks on the ground.

XENA (to Gabrielle, somewhat grouchily):
     What was that?

GABRIELLE (confused):
     What was what?

XENA:
     You want to try to do it his way?

GABRIELLE:
     Well, you're the one who wanted to bring him with us...

XENA (narrows her eyes at Gabrielle):
     Wait. Are you trying to get back at me?

GABRIELLE:
     What?

XENA:
     I know what you can be like when you get mad.

Gabrielle shakes her head as they continue to walk past a grove.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena, you're the one who's being grumpy.

XENA:
     Me?

She stops and whirls around to face Gabrielle, glaring at her.

GABRIELLE (sighing):
     Well-- (her eyes widen suddenly and her mouth hangs open)

XENA:
     Well what?

The camera pans around to show Gabrielle's point of view. Behind Xena's back, Cerberus can be seen peeking out from behind the trees of the grove, its three heads clearly visible. The dog is snarling, baring three full sets of teeth.

GABRIELLE (points):
      Dog!

XENA (narrows her eyes):
     Excuse me?

A growl is heard behind her. Realizing what's happening, she slowly turns her head and sees Cerberus. It is the size of a horse, with brownish gray fur and glowing eyes, wearing spiked leather collars around its three necks. One of its heads is growling; then the other two join in. Argo neighs nervously and backs up, as does Klio.

XENA:
     I think we found the dog.

The camera pulls back for a wide shot of Cerberus advancing toward Xena and Gabrielle as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE