FADE IN

We fade back into the forest clearing. Gabrielle is still sitting and reading to Talis while he has a scroll in her hand while Talis listens to her.

GABRIELLE (reading):
     "It doesn't matter where we take a stand," Xena said, "as long as we take one." And with that our heroes walked off into the sunset--having won the battle that day, but facing the real war that was ahead of them.

Gabrielle smiles and carefully rolls up the scroll.

TALIS:
     Well, that sounded like a good adventure. (pan to Gabrielle who smiles at the compliment) Too bad the writing was so cheesy.

GABRIELLE (smile quickly fading):
     Excuse me?

TALIS:
     Well--take the battle scene. I mean--three armies, and it sounded like all those warriors were just taking turns coming at you and you were fighting them off one or two at a time. That didn't make any sense.

GABRIELLE (looks at him sheepishly):
     Well...

Gabrielle rolls her eyes as she gets up from the log.

TALIS (generously):
     Oh, that's all right. That must have been one of your early scrolls.

GABRIELLE (irritated):
     Not exactly. You try and write a masterpiece with a bunch of paranoid gods and priests on your heels!

Talis is not listening--he stares past her, his face dissolving into a beatific smile.

GABRIELLE (snaps):
     What?

TALIS (with adoration):
     Xena!

Gabrielle turns to see Xena ride up.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena! (through clenched teeth) It's about time.

XENA (businesslike):
     I know, we haven't got any time to waste.

She dismounts briskly.

GABRIELLE:
     That's right--I'm about to murder our new pal.

XENA (not listening):
     I think Cerberus is awake and running loose. (Yanks the chains off Argo's saddle) Come on, we've got a dog to catch.

Gabrielle turns and heads towards Klio to put the scroll in her saddlebag. As she stuffs the scrolls in the saddlebag, she mutters, obviously ticked off.

GABRIELLE (to herself):
     Cheesy! Hah! He wouldn't know a good story if it came up and bit him on the--

CUT TO

A close-up of Cerberus, snapping the jaws of one of his three heads and barking.

The camera pulls back to show all three of the monster's heads barking furiously, and then further back, we see a horse-drawn cart, filled with some sort of goods, on a road that cuts through the forest. Cerberus, who is slightly bigger than the horse, stands on the side of the road slightly behind the car, all three sets of teeth bared in a snarl. A terrified-looking man in a gray shirt and a blue cap is sitting on the front of the cart, holding the reins.

MAN (screams towards Cerberus):
     Bad dog! Bad dog! Get out of here! Go!

Cerberus snarls.

MAN (terrified):
     Uh...I mean nice dog...nice dog!

Cerberus starts barking furiously and moves toward the wagon. The horse bolts in fright as Cerberus takes off in pursuit. As the horse races, packages and rolled-up scrolls spill from the cart. Cerberus nips at the back of the cart.

Suddenly off camera a war cry pierces the air.

XENA (off-screen):
     ALALALALALALA - SHEEYA!

The camera pulls in to show Xena riding in on Argo. When she gets close to Cerberus she flips off her horse, landing right in front of Cerberus and between him and the cart.

XENA (pulling out her chakram, to Cerberus):
     Hold it there, buddy.

When Cerberus sees the chakram, it stops barking and gapes at Xena, all three tongues hanging out.

XENA (holding up chakram):
     Yeah, you want it, don't you?

Xena pulls back and makes as if to throw the chakram, but hangs on to it. Cerberus takes off running in the direction he thought it went, then pauses and looks back to see that Xena still has the chakram. Xena grins mischievously, obviously enjoying the game.

Cerberus runs back towards Xena. This time she throws the chakram and Cerberus chases after it.

The camera pans back to Xena, who goes up to the man as he stops his horse and jumps down to pick up his cargo.

XENA:
     You all right?

The man nods, obviously somewhat in shock, adjusting his cap.

MAN (shakes his head):
     Lady, I've been carrying the mail for fifteen years...I've had my share of being chased and bitten by dogs. But never have I come across anything like--that!

With a shaky hand, he points to Cerberus, who is running and hopping trying to catch the chakram. We see the chakram strike a tree and split in two, causing Cerberus to start spinning in confusion. The camera then pans back to Xena who is helping the mailman load the scrolls and packages back in the cart.

XENA:
     You'd better get out of here before it comes back.

MAILMAN (hurriedly):
     Thanks!

He gets on the cart, grabs the reins and rides off.

Xena smiles and hops back on Argo as the chakram flies back towards her.

XENA (catching the chakram, shouting to Cerberus):
     Come and get it!

Xena rides fast down the path back into the forest and Cerberus takes after her, barking.

Xena glances back to see Cerberus gaining on her.

XENA (kicking the stirrups):
     Yah!

CUT TO

A forest clearing. Xena rides on through the clearing.

XENA (shouting):
     Get ready, Gabrielle!

With Argo still riding fast Xena moves her feet up, and pushing forward, flips off her horse grabbing onto a hanging branch.

Xena swings and flips up, then lands on the branch she was swinging from. Looking down, she can hear Cerberus' barks coming closer.

The camera pulls up to show one of the chains of Hephaestus hanging above her. It's been wrapped around a tree branch kind of like a rolled-up hose.

Reaching up, she grabs onto the end of the chain and pauses for a second. As Cerberus comes near, she jumps off the branch towards the ground. We watch as the chain begins to unwrap rapidly.

The camera pulls down as Cerberus comes running. Xena flies down from the tree (with the chain still in her hand) and lands on Cerberus's back.

Holding onto his back she climbs towards its heads. Cerberus stops, snarling, and tries to shake her off.

Xena, pulling the chain tight, clips the end onto the back of one of Cerberus' spiked collars. The camera pulls up to show the other end of the chain tightly wrapped around the tree branch.

Xena flips off Cerberus as the dog struggles to break from the chain. As Cerberus growls and pulls at the chain, the camera pulls up to show the branch groaning and starting to creak.

XENA (yells):
     Gabrielle, now!

The camera pans to Gabrielle and Talis behind the tree; Gabrielle is holding the end of another chain fastened to the tree trunk.

TALIS:
     Leave it to the professionals!

He grabs the chain from Gabrielle and races toward the struggling Cerberus, aiming to fasten the chain on another one of its collars. He swipes the end of the chain at the collar; just then the dog turns with a growl and knocks him aside.

TALIS (shouting):
     Whoooaaa!

He is knocked against a tree and falls to the ground unconscious.

The chain slips off to the ground. As Cerberus continues to struggle, the branch to which the first chain is attached creaks again and we see that it is starting to break. Pan down to Gabrielle, who comes running and picks up the end of the chain.

The branch breaks. Just as Cerberus is about to run loose, Gabrielle jumps forward and lands on the dog's back, managing to attach the end of the chain to another spiked collar. As Cerberus growls and struggles, she jumps off awkwardly and lands on her behind.

Xena walks up to Gabrielle and helps her up.

XENA (nods toward Cerberus, smiling):
     Looks like he's not going anywhere for a while. Good job.

GABRIELLE (rubs her behind):
     Next time I'll leave the jumping to you.

Talis stirs and lifts his head. The camera pulls back to show Xena, Gabrielle and the still-struggling Cerberus from his point of view. A flash of purple light is seen behind Xena and Gabrielle. It solidifies into a woman with long black hair, wearing a sleek dark blue dress and a little too much jewelry.

WOMAN (sounding rather like Fran from The Nanny, with similar mannerisms):
     Oh good, you got the dog.

Talis groans and faints again.

XENA:
     Persephone?

PERSEPHONE (extending her hand to Xena; she has long nails painted scarlet):
     That's right. Persephone, Goddess of the Underworld. Hades wanted me to pick up the pooch. (walking up to Cerberus) Hope he wasn't too much trouble.

She starts scratching Cerberus's left head behind the ears. Cerberus growls contentedly and lies down.

XENA (sarcastic):
     No trouble at all.

GABRIELLE (grins, wrinkling her nose):
     Just a cute little doggy.

With the snap of her finger, Persephone causes the chains to snap off and then dematerializes Cerberus.

GABRIELLE (whispering to Xena):
     You'd think she could have done that without having us catch him...

XENA (sighing):
     Gods.

PERSEPHONE (to Xena and Gabrielle):
     Well, thanks a lot. I'll be going now. (She starts to glow again, obviously about to vanish.)

XENA:
     Now, wait just a minute. (Persephone stops glowing and turns to her) I think a little compensation is in order.

Gabrielle shoots her a surprised look.

PERSEPHONE (lifts an eyebrow):
     Compensation? I thought you didn't charge. You know, like a hobby or something.

XENA:
     Catching three-headed dogs? Some hobby. Nah, the money's not for me--it's to rebuild the village that got trashed by your pet.

PERSEPHONE (thinks a moment):
     Well, I suppose it won't break our budget.

A purse materializes in her hand; she gives it to Xena.

XENA (looks inside):
     That should cover it. Thanks.

PERSEPHONE (nodding):
     Well I would love to stay and chat, but it's my day to be with mom. And if I'm not back in a little bit, all of Greece will be frozen over by the end of the day, if you know what I mean.

Persephone laughs (the irritating Fran laugh) as she dematerializes.

XENA:
     Well, that's that. (looks around) Where's our dogcatcher?

GABRIELLE (looks around):
     Oh, there he is.

The camera pulls around to show Talis slowly getting up and shaking his head.

TALIS (holding his head):
     Ow. (looks up at Xena and Gabrielle, grinning) Hey--we did it!

The two women exchange an amused look.

CUT TO

The same village as before, at sunset. The village bustles with activity as people are still cleaning up the debris. The camera zooms in on a crowd in the village square, which is listening raptly to Talis. Xena and Gabrielle stand nearby listening.

TALIS (proudly):
     ...but before the beast knocked me out, I was able to fasten the chain on its collar and keep it from getting loose again!

The villagers cheer. Xena and Gabrielle exchange an amused glance.

GABRIELLE (quietly to Xena):
     No harm in letting him believe that...

The old woman, Talis' mother, approaches them glowing with pride.

OLD WOMAN (to Xena and Gabrielle):
     See, I knew you wouldn't regret taking him along!

Gabrielle nods, smiling but obviously making an effort to keep from showing her irritation.

As the crowd starts to dissipate, a middle-aged man comes up to Xena.

MIDDLE-AGED MAN:
     The money you gave us should be enough to rebuild the village--we'll even have some left! Thank you.

XENA:
     Good luck.

As the man walks away, Talis comes up to Xena.

TALIS:
     I've got to tell you, Xena, I really enjoyed traveling with you and being a hero. (Xena gives him a suspicious look) I'd love to come along with you. (Quick pan to Gabrielle mouthing a horrified "no.") But I think my calling is to stay here and help rebuild my village. (sighs) So I guess it's the end.

XENA (jovially, slapping him on the shoulder):
     I guess we're just--moving in different directions.

TALIS (nods solemnly):
     That's right. (cheering up a bit) But maybe we'll meet again, my Warrior Princess. Good-bye!

CUT TO

Xena and Gabrielle riding out of the village.

GABRIELLE (grins):
     Parting is such sweet sorrow, huh?

XENA:
     Well, you know what they say. Long-distance relationships never work.

GABRIELLE (teasing):
     Oh, is that so?

Xena gets a thoughtful look on her face.

XENA (with a dreamy smile):
     Maybe sometimes....

The camera starts to pull away so that we see Xena and Gabrielle from the back, their voices starting to fade.

GABRIELLE (mischievously):
     So you think there's hope for you and Talis after all?

XENA (shakes her head and laughs):
     Right...

The camera pulls out to show a wide shot of Xena and Gabrielle riding off into the sunset as we:

FADE OUT

THE END

[We have finally learned the answer to the question posed in the annoying song which shares the title of this motion picture. The shades let the dog out.]

Xena: Warrior Princess Shipper Seasons Season 8 Episode 18 Who Let the Dog Out? Story By: Ryan Written By: Ryan Edited By: LadyKate Collage By: Aurora Images Gathered By: Aurora Cast Xena Lucy Lawless Gabrielle Renee O'Connor Hades Stephen Lovatt Talis Jeremy Miller Hephaestus Julius Garner Persephone Fran Dresher Original Airdate November 9, 2003 We have finally learned the answer to the question posed in the annoying song which shares the title of this motion picture. The shades let the dog out. DEDICATED TO KEVIN SMITH All characters and storylines that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess are a copyright and trademark of Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement was intended during the writing of this script. All original characters and storylines are a copyright of the respective authors and of the Shipper Seasons. No script may be reproduced on a website elsewhere without the author's consent. © Shipper Seasons www.shipperseasons.com

This script is provided by GDev Resources.