FADE IN

The same street corner. The camera pans up the green pants and jacket of the king's servant, and then up to the face of the person wearing the jacket. It's Gabrielle, a satisfied smile on her face.

GABRIELLE:
     Think it will work?

DARION (impressed):
     Wow. You look good as a boy.

The camera pans to the servant, wrapped in a cloak.

SERVANT (nervously):
     I hope it's worth it. If you can talk some sense into the king, we'd all appreciate it. He's gotten really weird lately. Spends most of his time cooped up in his private quarters in the palace, walking around and talking to himself...

DARION:
     Maybe he's just crazy.

GABRIELLE:
     We'll see. (picks up the basket) All right, Xena--you take Darion back to the house and I'll try to get to the king.

XENA:
     Good luck. (smirks) I guess it's my turn to baby-sit.

DARION (grins):
     Don't worry, Gabrielle! I'm sure we'll have lots of fun!

Gabrielle watches them walk away; she smiles and shakes her head. Then she turns to the servant.

GABRIELLE:
     Thanks for the help! (she presses some money into the servant's hand and heads toward the square)

CUT TO

The square. The guards have come out of the palace and the people are now dispersing, though some of them are giving Gabrielle hostile looks as she walks toward the palace. Gabrielle approaches the palace doors, with a guard standing on each side.

GUARD #1:
     Where do you think you're going?

Gabrielle stops, looking at him nervously, obviously thinking he's on to her.

GUARD #1:
     The servant's entrance is that way, you dolt! (points left)

GABRIELLE (speaks in a deliberately low voice):
     Oh...sorry, sir. Guess I just got nervous because of that crowd out there.

CUT TO

Gabrielle enters a palace through a side door.

CUT TO

Gabrielle walks into the kitchen. She looks around, noticing with obvious astonishment that all the cooks and their assistants, dressed in green but with white hats, are men and boys. She shakes her head slightly and puts the basket down on a table. Then, obviously getting an idea, she grabs a knife, cuts off a large slice of cheese before putting the rest back in the basket, grabs a silver plate from a shelf and hides the cheese and the plate behind her back.

GABRIELLE:
     Cheese for the king's table! (puts down the basket)

HEAD COOK (turns to her):
     It's about time.

CUT TO

Gabrielle walking through the corridors of the palace. The hallways are beautifully decorated, with murals on the walls depicting battle scenes and past rulers and torches with elaborate carvings on them embedded in the walls.

CUT TO

Another corridor. Holding the plate with the cheese on it, Gabrielle approaches ornate golden doors with a guard standing in front of them.

GUARD (sternly):
     What's your business here?

GABRIELLE:
     A special delivery for the king, sir--a new brand of cheese that was just brought to the kitchen.

GUARD:
     All right.

He opens the door with a loud creak and shows Gabrielle in.

CUT TO

An exterior view of the house. Xena and Darion are sitting on the porch. Xena is obviously telling a story and Darion is listening.

DARION:
     And then what happened?

XENA:
     And then Gabrielle told the warlords Ares was hiding in a cave and they all went out there and they never bothered him again.

DARION (puzzled):
     What happened to them?

XENA (shrugs):
     I guess the beast ate them. Most of them, at least.

DARION:
     What beast?

XENA:
     The beast with eight heads.

DARION:
     You didn't say anything about a beast.

XENA:
     The beast lived in the cave.

DARION (thinks for a moment):
     What did it look like?

XENA:
     What, the cave?

DARION (impatiently):
     No! The beast!

XENA (shrugs):
     It had eight heads.

DARION:
     What kinds of heads? You mean like...lion heads? (makes a face, baring his teeth) Or big lizard heads? Or...

XENA (getting testy):
     How would I know?

DARION (looks at her thoughtfully):
     You know, some day you should ask Gabrielle to teach you how to tell stories.

XENA (in mock anger):
     Watch it!

DARION (shrugs):
     Well, it's true.

Xena shakes her head. Then, suddenly, her face breaks out in a little smile.

XENA (stands up, staring straight ahead of her):
     Ares. Back to try and impress me again?

Ares appears in front of her in a flash of blue. Darion jumps to his feet, beaming.

ARES (grins devilishly):
     Not in front of the kid.

DARION:
     That's okay. I won't watch.

He covers his eyes with his hands. Ares looks at him, amused, then turns to Xena.

ARES:
     Shall we? (he draws an arm around her waist and leans in to kiss her)

XENA (pulls back hastily):
     Ares--don't.

ARES (sighs):
     Oh--okay.

DARION (takes his hands away from his eyes and walks around Ares, as if to make sure he's real; then turns to Xena):
     How did you know he was here? (off Xena's slightly uncomfortable look) Can Gabrielle do that too?

ARES (mischievously):
     Oh, I hope not. (looks around) So--seems like Blondie has left the building. What's she up to?

XENA:
     Trying to get into the palace and have a chat with King Pygmalion. If he doesn't change his ways, he'll have a riot on his hands pretty soon.

ARES (crosses his arms and smirks):
     What did I tell you about finding trouble?

XENA:
     I guess you had a point.

ARES:
     So, Gabrielle wants to be the hero for a change, huh? Good for her. Maybe one of these days, you'll be out of a job and then you'll have time for (looks at her suggestively) other things.

XENA (chuckles):
     Right.

ARES:
     So...while you're sitting here playing sidekick, you want to have some fun?

XENA:
     As long as it's something that's okay for Darion to see.

ARES (thinks for a moment and then grins at her):
     I have an idea.

CUT TO

The guard ushers Gabrielle into a room lavishly decorated with statuettes, jewelry, candleholders and lush fabrics, then closes the door while Gabrielle enters and walks around. There doesn't seem to be anyone in the room.

GABRIELLE:
     King Pygmalion?

She walks around and spies a small door ajar at the back of the room. The faint sound of a voice is heard coming from the room. Gabrielle walks toward the door.

GABRIELLE (louder):
     King Pygmalion?

The voice stops. A man comes quickly out of the back room and closes the door behind him, then locks it. He is a handsome young man in his early twenties with short golden-brown hair and blue eyes. He's wearing blue and green robes of fine silk fabric, lined with small flakes of sapphires and emeralds that sparkle in the sunlight that shines in through the one large window in the room. A small golden crown adorns his head.

PYGMALION (looks at Gabrielle, angry):
     What are you doing here?

GABRIELLE (still keeping her voice low):
     Your majesty--the kitchen sent me with a sample of a new brand of cheese.

PYGMALION:
     Leave it over there. (waves toward a table with a marble top) I'm busy.

Gabrielle puts down the plate. Pygmalion heads toward the door of the back room again.

GABRIELLE:
     Your majesty!

PYGMALION (turns):
     What now?

GABRIELLE:
     I want to talk to you.

PYGMALION (scowls):
     What about?

GABRIELLE:
     What's happening to the kingdom, for one. The people are--

PYGMALION (peers at her intently):
     What sort of impertinence is this? (pauses) You're not one of my servants, are you.

GABRIELLE (in her normal voice):
     No.

PYGMALION (approaches her, outraged, and looks her over):
     You're a woman! Well, isn't it just like a woman--lying, snooping around...

GABRIELLE (slightly taken aback, still keeps her cool):
     Your majesty, I'm a stranger in your land. I've heard what the people are saying out there--

PYGMALION:
     Oh, you're a stranger and you're going to tell me how to rule my kingdom. What would you know about it? Women--always sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong.

GABRIELLE:
     I just want to help.

PYGMALION:
     Well, I don't need your help. Since you're a guest here, I won't have you thrown in the dungeon. As long as you get out of here right away.

GABRIELLE:
     But--

PYGMALION (points to the door):
     Don't try my patience!

Gabrielle hesitates and walks toward the door.

CUT TO

Gabrielle, still in her servant's outfit, is walking down a wooded path toward the house when she hears Xena's war cry. She stops, momentarily alarmed, then smiles and shakes her head, obviously assuming that Xena is just playing with Darion. Then the sound of clashing swords is heard, and Gabrielle becomes alarmed. Drawing her sais, she runs toward the house.

GABRIELLE (shouts):
     Darion?

She stops in her tracks when she sees Darion sitting on the porch, watching Xena and Ares spar under the trees in the shade. Xena and Ares are grinning widely, swinging their swords and moving around in almost dance-like fashion. Ares swings his sword at her again and she flips over him. He turns around to meet her sword and they freeze in that pose, their swords locked together. Gabrielle watches with a bit of amusement showing on her face.

DARION:
     Wow! How'd you do that flip?

Xena and Ares relax and look at Darion, smiling. A close-up on Gabrielle, who stands with her arms crossed, a look of mock indignation on her face.

GABRIELLE:
     I thought we talked about things that aren't fit for a child?

XENA:
     What? These are just combat moves. Darion likes combat moves-- (turns to Darion) --don't you?

DARION (enthusiastic):
     Yeah!

GABRIELLE:
     Uh-huh. (nods toward Ares) And what are you doing hanging around here? You know, if you were getting paid to do your job, you'd get fired.

ARES:
     Hey. I could be doing something really nasty with my time if you'd prefer that. (looks her over) That's an unusual look for you, isn't it?

GABRIELLE:
     I had to get into the royal palace.

ARES:
     And it's what, no girls allowed?

XENA:
     Yeah, you got it. (smirks at Ares as he rolls his eyes, then to Gabrielle) So--what did you find out?

GABRIELLE:
     Not much. Except that the king has a pretty big grudge against the entire female race.

XENA:
     We already knew that.

ARES (chuckles):
     So, this guy doesn't like playing with the girls, huh?

GABRIELLE:
     Putting it mildly.

XENA (with a catlike smile):
     Well, I think it's my turn to go.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena, you can't just bust his head and get him to change his mind about women.

XENA:
     Only as a last resort.

ARES:
     Sounds like a plan.

GABRIELLE:
     A plan? We don't have a plan yet. That's the problem.

XENA:
     Don't worry, we will.

CUT TO

Night. Inside Pygmalion's chambers. The distant noise of a crowd is heard. The room is empty and dark, but some light emanates from the door of the back room, which is ajar. A voice is heard from the room. The camera pans closer and we hear Pygmalion's voice.

PYGMALION (off-camera):
     What a beauty you are. Perfect, absolutely perfect.

CUT TO

The palace garden. The camera zooms in on Xena hiding in a tree. In the darkness, she makes a giant leap from the branch to a small balcony. The gap between the tree and the balcony is quite large and Xena almost misses the balcony, but manages to grab its edge with one hand. Slowly, she positions herself so that she can put her other hand on the edge of the balcony. She grips the edge of the balcony with both hands and pulls herself up, leaping onto the balcony.

CUT TO

The room. The camera now enters the back room where Pygmalion is. He stands with his back to the camera, looking at someone in front of him who is shielded from view.

PYGMALION:
     You know, when I look at you, I can see a beautiful soul in your eyes and your face. A pure and noble soul, unlike that of any other woman.

CUT TO

Xena, carefully pushing open the window and entering the room.

CUT TO

The back room. A close-up of Pygmalion's face, his eyes full of tenderness.

PYGMALION:
     Here, I've got something for you.

He holds up a pearl necklace in his hand. The camera pulls back to show that he is talking to a beautiful statue of a nude woman made of smooth ivory. It is very life-like, with locks of wavy hair flowing over its shoulders. Its eyes are made of blue stone and seem to be alive. Pygmalion reverently places the necklace around the statue's neck and then leans forward to kiss it as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO