FADE IN

Xena walks cautiously around the grand chamber, looking around. She sees the light coming from the back and heads toward the back door. She walks toward it.

XENA:
     King Pygmalion?

CUT TO

The back room. Startled by Xena's voice, Pygmalion quickly grabs a white sheet and covers the statue. Xena pushes the door open and comes in.

PYGMALION (dismayed):
     Who are you? How did you get in here? Women are not allowed in these chambers! (looks her over, taking notice of her armor and weapons) If you are a woman, of course.

XENA (smiles coolly):
     I'm probably your worst nightmare. A woman who can kick ass.

PYGMALION (choking):
     You're talking to a king!

XENA:
     And you're talking to a warrior princess. Xena, Warrior Princess.

A little fear crosses his features.

PYGMALION:
     You're Xena? (Xena nods, unimpressed) But I thought you were dead.

XENA:
     I got over it. You know, for a king, you sure don't keep up with the news very well.

PYGMALION:
     Why should I care? (looks at her bitterly) So I suppose you're here to avenge all womankind.

XENA:
     I'm here to talk some sense to you.

PYGMALION (snorts):
     I've never yet met a woman who could talk any sense.

XENA (looks around):
     So, what's the secret you're hiding in this little room, huh?

She catches a glimpse of the covered statue behind Pygmalion. Before he can stop her, she reaches out and pulls the sheet off the statue.

PYGMALION (furious):
     How dare you! Isn't that just like a woman--no respect for a man's privacy.

Xena doesn't pay attention to him, focused on the statue. We now see all of it. There are bouquets of roses at the foot of the statue, and a cage with two white doves.

XENA (turning to Pygmalion):
     Pygmalion, let me ask you something. (points to the statue) You know this isn't a man, right?

PYGMALION (indignant):
     Of course! I'm no idiot and I'm not blind.

XENA (chuckles):
     You coulda fooled me. I thought you hated women.

PYGMALION:
     I wouldn't--if they were like her!

XENA (glares at him):
     She's a statue.

PYGMALION (dreamily):
     She's perfect. All those women out there... (winces) They're anything but. All my life, they've been trying to boss me around. Lying, prying into everything, thinking one thing and saying another... I finally got sick of them. So I decided to create the perfect woman--one who was everything they aren't.

He approaches the statue and reaches out to touch its cheek. Xena watches with crossed arms.

PYGMALION:
     Galatea... Look at her. She's beautiful... (he seems to have almost forgotten that Xena is there) She'll never try to judge me. She'll never nag me. She'll never argue until she's proved to me that I'm wrong about everything. She'll leave me in peace when I want to be alone, and she'll always be here when I need her. (bitterly) And she'll never lie to me. She is perfection itself.

Xena looks at him as he starts to caress the statue's face and is almost lost in its gaze.

XENA (incredulous):
     You're in love with it.

PYGMALION (gives Xena an irritated look):
      Her. Not it. (sighs and looks at the statue) Yes, I love Galatea. She's perfect.

XENA:
     Well, of course she's perfect. You created her that way. How can you be in love with a statue?

PYGMALION (angrily):
     You talk like someone who's never been in love. You've never had anything touch your soul the way Galatea has touched mine. (Xena looks away briefly) I can't explain to you how I feel. Why should I?

XENA:
     Pygmalion. What do you think your people would say if they knew that the reason you're neglecting your duties is that you're having a romantic relationship with a piece of ivory?

PYGMALION (panicked):
     You can't tell them! They'd hate me.

XENA:
     Oh, they already hate you. But it could get even worse.

PYGMALION:
     You're not going to take her away from me! (runs past Xena into the main chamber and yells) Guards!

Xena follows him as the doors burst open and three guards in armor and helmets of silver and gold burst in.

PYGMALION:
     Arrest her!

Instead of charging at Xena, the two guards charge at him, knock him down and draw their swords.

GUARD #1:
     Down with Pygmalion!

GUARD #2 (a woman in disguise judging by the voice):
     Kill the tyrant!

Xena charges at them and beats them back with powerful kicks and punches. In a few moments she knocks them all down and disarms them.

WOMAN:
     Why did you stop us? You're a woman--don't you know how he treats us?

GUARD #3:
     He's ruining the whole kingdom!

XENA (shakes her head):
     This isn't the way to go. (to Pygmalion, helping him to his feet) You okay?

PYGMALION (stunned):
     You--you saved my life! (pause) You're not like any woman I've ever met, Xena.

XENA:
     Yeah, I get that a lot.

PYGMALION:
     No, I mean it. If more women were like you, maybe I wouldn't dislike them so much.

XENA (smirks):
     Trust me, you wouldn't want more than one of me around.

The doors are flung open and several guards burst in.

GUARD:
     Your majesty, are you all right?

XENA:
     He is--no thanks to you. (off their stunned looks) Yeah, I'm a woman and I'm here in the palace. Get used to it. (to Pygmalion) I'll be back later and we're going to have a long chat about how to fix things, okay? (points to the would-be assassins) And remember--revenge isn't the way to go.

Xena leaves the room, leaving Pygmalion looking very thoughtful.

CUT TO

Inside the house. It's dark. Darion is asleep on the intact bed and Gabrielle on the one that has collapsed. Xena walks in and turns on an oil lamp. Gabrielle sits up, rubbing her eyes.

GABRIELLE (in a half-whisper):
     Xena--you're back. Did you get to talk to Pygmalion?

XENA:
     Yes, I did.

GABRIELLE:
     Did he listen?

XENA:
     Sort of.

GABRIELLE (amazed):
     He did? Well, I guess you really do have many skills.

XENA (shrugs and grins):
     He kinda warmed up to me after I saved him from assassins.

GABRIELLE (gasps):
     Somebody tried to kill Pygmalion?

XENA (smirks):
     Are you surprised? Actually, believe it or not, he's not quite as bad as he seems. I found out what his problem is. Well, one of them, at least. He's been spending all of his waking hours on one thing--a statue of a woman. He created it himself and he's fallen in love with it. (she gets a distracted look on her face for a moment, as if thinking of something else)

GABRIELLE (pauses in shock):
     You know--of all the things we've run into over the years...this just might be the weirdest.

XENA:
     This statue has become his whole life.

GABRIELLE:
     That's...really sad.

There is a flash of golden light, and Aphrodite appears.

APHRODITE:
     It is, isn't it?

GABRIELLE (puts her finger to her lips):
     Shhh... (points to Darion, who stirs but continues to sleep)

XENA (suspiciously):
     Aphrodite. This isn't one of your little games, is it?

APHRODITE (indignantly):
     No! Why does everyone always think I'm up to something?

XENA (wryly):
     Maybe it's for a good reason.

APHRODITE:
     Nothing like that. Actually, I'm feeling really bad for Pygmalion. Yeah, yeah, he's kind of a jerk (makes a face), but it's like--he's so completely in love, and so depressed because he can't get his love returned. He just keeps kissing that statue and wishing it were real.

GABRIELLE:
     Real... (gets an idea) Oh, Aphrodite. You're a genius.

APHRODITE (flattered):
     Yeah, I know. (curious) Why?

GABRIELLE (turns to Xena):
     What if Galatea could be brought to life?

XENA:
     And that would do what--other than making Pygmalion happy?

GABRIELLE:
     Well, maybe once his beloved turns into a woman of flesh and blood, it's going to change his attitude toward real live women. And maybe he'll stop being so obsessed and actually get back to the business of being a king.

XENA (thoughtfully):
     Good idea. (looks at Aphrodite) Can you do it?

APHRODITE (beaming):
     Sure! Honey, I keep telling you--I'm a goddess, I can do it like that. (snaps her fingers) Literally. (pouts) I don't know why I didn't think of it myself. I can just pop over there now and--

XENA:
     No, wait. I have a better idea. Can you bring her here?

APHRODITE (puzzled):
     Here? (looks around) No offense, Xena, but this isn't exactly the kind of place where a future queen should get her start.

XENA:
     Hey, Aphrodite. Trust me. It's all a part of the plan. Are you in?

APHRODITE (giggles):
     Am I in! I'm going to love this plan.

CUT TO

Pygmalion in the back room in his chambers, still gazing sadly at Galatea.

PYGMALION:
     Galatea, my love... I wish I knew what you were thinking. (pauses) Am I crazy? (shakes his head) No, I know there's a soul behind those beautiful eyes. (he leans forward and kisses the statue on the lips, but sighs in frustration when it remains unresponsive to his kiss) Aren't you ever going to kiss me back? (with a sigh, he caresses the statue's face) Good night, my love. I'll see you in the morning.

CUT TO

Pygmalion comes out of the back room, locking the door behind him, and leaves the chamber.

CUT TO

The back room. Aphrodite materializes next to the statue, smiling.

APHRODITE (to Galatea):
     Hmm...you are a cutie, aren't ya?

CUT TO

Exterior of the house in the moonlight. Xena and Gabrielle (now dressed in her usual outfit) are sitting on the porch. Xena seems lost in thought.

GABRIELLE:
     Thinking about something?

Xena glances at Gabrielle.

XENA:
     What?

GABRIELLE (chuckles):
     I was hoping you'd tell me.

XENA (shakes head):
     It's nothing. (sighs) Somehow, this whole thing with Pygmalion made me think--

GABRIELLE (nods):
     About you and Ares? (off Xena's shocked look) Don't look at me like that, Xena. I know what's on your mind. I can usually tell from your eyes.

XENA (smirks):
     Oh, really? What are they saying now?

GABRIELLE (smiles):
     That you want me to leave you alone.

Xena chuckles, then becomes thoughtful again.

XENA:
     Pygmalion created that statue and then fell in love with it...

GABRIELLE:
     And you've changed Ares and-- (Xena looks up sharply, her face suddenly very vulnerable; Gabrielle pauses) I think you always knew there was some goodness in him, ever since that first time he lost his sword and became mortal. Remember when you told him he had been not just mortal but human?

XENA (softly):
     Yeah...

GABRIELLE:
     You've believed that ever since, haven't you? Even after all the games he played and all the horrible things he did, you still believed that little bit of humanity was there--but it would take a miracle to bring it out.

XENA (lowers her eyes):
     Yeah... (softly) And then it happened.

GABRIELLE:
     Because of you, Xena. You were the miracle--you made him change.

XENA (smiles tensely):
     You mean, I created a new and improved Ares?

GABRIELLE (grins):
     You might say that.

XENA (pensively):
     And I've...fallen for him.

GABRIELLE (teasingly):
     What happened to your thing for bad boys?

XENA (snorts):
     Ares is always going to be a bad boy. (serious) But you're right--he is...different.

GABRIELLE:
     You know something? If you think about it--Ares created you, too. Long ago, he wanted to mold you into his perfect warrior--the mortal champion of the God of War. (Xena nods, looking at her thoughtfully) And then he fell in love with his own creation.

Xena gives her an odd look. Just then, there is a flash of golden light and Aphrodite appears with Galatea, setting the statue down on the grass.

APHRODITE:
     Done.

GABRIELLE:
     That's the statue? (impressed) It really is beautiful.

APHRODITE (smirks):
     Yeah, Pyggy's a talented kid. He just needs his head set straight.

XENA:
     All right, Aphrodite--hit it.

APHRODITE (squeals with joy):
     Done.

She points a finger at the statue and a stream of yellow sparkles begins to cover the statue in a shimmer of light. The camera zooms in on the statue showing it from the chest up. We see the skin gains color--a light, slightly tanned hue. The hair turns a deep rich brown, the blue eyes come alive. She looks around, clearly bewildered. The camera pans to Xena and Gabrielle, who look awed.

DARION (off-camera, inside the house):
     Gabrielle?

His steps are heard approaching the door.

GABRIELLE (to Aphrodite, panicking):
     Quick, get her some clothes!

She interposes herself between Galatea and the door of the house. Just as Darion comes out on the porch, Aphrodite giggles and waves her hand. The camera pulls back to show Galatea clothed in a beautiful flowing gown of light blue fabric, perfectly complemented by the pearl necklace.

DARION (peers around Gabrielle):
     Wow! Who's the lady?

GABRIELLE (slightly at a loss for words):
     Uh...that's a very long story.

GALATEA (looks around, opens her mouth rather uncertainly and speaks):
     Pygmalion?

APHRODITE (sighs theatrically, clasping her hands and pressing them to her chest):
     Isn't that sweet. She already loves him.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE