FADE IN

On the same scene in the meadow.

A close-up of Gabrielle's horrified face.

GABRIELLE:
     He's going to what?

APHRODITE (pouts impatiently):
     Turn back. Into a dog.

GABRIELLE:
     But...why?

APHRODITE:
     Well, I thought it would be nice if the kid had a special experience in my field before he threw in the towel on being human.

GABRIELLE:
     But why a princess?

APHRODITE (proudly):
     That was the "special" part.

GABRIELLE:
     And what about her feelings?

APHRODITE (slightly at a loss):
     Well....

GABRIELLE:
     Aphrodite, the poor girl falls in love with a sweet young man, and he's going to turn into a dog?

APHRODITE (giggles):
     Honey, you have no idea how often that happens.

GABRIELLE:
     Aphrodite, come on--this isn't a joke! That was a terribly cruel thing to do! It's going to break her heart!

APHRODITE:
     Gabrielle, you're talking to the Goddess of Love here. Happens all the time, you know? (beaming) Nobody said love was perfect.

XENA (chuckles bitterly):
     Perfect? I guess not. But it usually doesn't sprout fur and a tail after a first kiss.

APHRODITE (shrugs and spreads her arms in frustration):
     Oooohhh...look, so I suppose it was a little thoughtless of me. (sighs) Anyway, the poor kid ran off. I guess he fell in love with her too. I kinda hadn't counted on that, you know? I mean--how often does it happen? Somebody falls in love at first sight and it's, like, totally mutual?

Gabrielle shakes her head in dismay.

XENA (businesslike):
     All right, that's enough chit-chat. Aphrodite, we're going to go find Cyril and you're going to undo that spell.

APHRODITE (makes a face):
     I, uh--I can't.

XENA:
     You can't?

APHRODITE:
     Uh-huh. There are some spells you just can't reverse.

XENA (gives Aphrodite a pointed look):
     Trying out your powers, huh? (shakes her head in exasperation)

GABRIELLE (her face lighting up):
     Wait! Wait! I think I have a solution. What if we can explain everything to Ariadne and they can kiss, and after he turns into a dog you turn him right back?

APHRODITE (sighs):
     Uh-huh. It only works once.

GABRIELLE:
     What does?

APHRODITE:
     You know, that whole turning-an-animal-into-a-human thing.

XENA (suspiciously):
     Aphrodite, are you making this up?

APHRODITE (affronted):
      Am not! Look--it says so right here in the rulebook... (she snaps her fingers; in an instant, she is holding in her hands a huge rolled-up scroll which she unfolds to reveal some ornate writing) You don't believe me--take a look.

XENA:
     There's a rulebook?

APHRODITE:
      Of course! What did you think, we gods can just up and do the first thing that comes to our heads?

Xena glares at her, obviously biting her tongue. Aphrodite points out a passage in the scroll to Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE (sighs):
     That's what it says.

XENA (rolls her eyes):
     Great. A rulebook.

Aphrodite waves her hand and the scroll disappears in a puff of gold-tinted smoke.

GABRIELLE (gently but with obvious exasperation):
     Aphrodite, do you have any idea what kind of mess you've created here? The poor girl has gone off--

APHRODITE:
     I know, I know. I saw what happened. (sighs) Look, I'm really bummed about it too, but take it easy, okay? I mean, we all screw up sometimes, even gods...

XENA:
      Even gods?

Aphrodite closes her eyes, clenches her fists and shakes her head.

APHRODITE:
     Argh--don't gang up on me like that! I'm totally wigging here! (squeals in frustration)

There is a flash of blue light. Darion laughs and claps his hands as Ares appears.

ARES:
     What's the commotion?

APHRODITE:
     They're making me out to be the bad guy here!

ARES:
     Really, sis--trying to steal me out of a job? What'd you do?

XENA:
     She decided to have a little fun.

DARION (tugs at Ares' sword to get his attention; Ares gives him a slightly alarmed look):
     She turned a dog into a boy and then she made it so that if the girl he likes kisses him, he'll turn back into a dog. (makes a face) I don't like it when girls kiss me. (points to Gabrielle) Except for her.

ARES:
     Good. The other one's taken. (looks back and forth from Xena to Aphrodite) Okay, what's going on here?

APHRODITE:
     I-it's pretty much like the kid said.

GABRIELLE:
     These two people are in love. And the moment they kiss, the young man is going to become--

ARES:
     A dog.

XENA:
     Yeah.

ARES (thoughtfully scratches his chin):
     What kind of dog?

APHRODITE (scrunches up her face):
     Umm...a big gray one. A wolfhound, maybe?

ARES:
     Oh well. At least it's not some yappy little lapdog.

GABRIELLE (indignantly):
     This isn't funny.

ARES (to Xena):
     So, let me guess. You're about to save the day.

XENA (shakes her head):
     First things first. Let's find the girl.

GABRIELLE:
     And then?

XENA:
     And then--we'll think of something.

CUT TO

Ariadne on horseback, riding at breakneck speed through the woods at dusk, tree branches lashing at her face and shoulders.

CUT TO

A village. It's evening and there are only a few people in the streets, tending to animals and doing other chores. The camera zooms in on an isolated corner where a golden light flashes, and Aphrodite appears with Gabrielle.

APHRODITE:
     He's right there in the tavern, two houses over. (sighs) Probably crying into his wine, poor thing.

GABRIELLE:
     I'll talk to him. Xena said the tracks showed that Ariadne was headed this way too.

APHRODITE (brightens):
     You know, maybe I should find her and make sure she comes here. You know, bring the kids together and all--I mean, I am the Love Goddess...

GABRIELLE (gently puts a hand on Aphrodite's arm):
     Aphrodite, you've--er--done enough. Just leave them alone for now. You said you'd keep an eye on Darion.

APHRODITE:
     Sure.

GABRIELLE (gives Aphrodite a wary look):
     And please don't--you know--try out your powers on him or anything.

APHRODITE:
     Are you kidding? (beams) Maybe I can give him some tips about girls.

GABRIELLE:
      Aphrodite! He's eight years old.

APHRODITE:
     So? Better late than never. (off Gabrielle's imploring look) Okay, okay...I'll baby-sit for you, don't worry.

She dissolves in a shower of golden sparks while Gabrielle walks toward the tavern.

CUT TO

Inside the half-empty tavern. Cyril sits at the bar, staring pensively into a nearly full goblet of wine. Gabrielle comes up, approaches him and stands behind him.

GABRIELLE (gently):
     Cyril.

He flinches and turns toward her.

CYRIL:
     I--know you from somewhere, don't I?

GABRIELLE:
     You remember Xena? I'm her friend, Gabrielle. We saw you at the inn in Linnea just before you met-- (she trails off as Cyril nods wearily) May I sit here?

CYRIL (listlessly):
     Sure.

Gabrielle sits down on the stool next to him and they are silent for a few moments.

GABRIELLE:
     Cyril. I know what's going on. Aphrodite told me. (Cyril turns to her; he looks embarrassed.) I'm really sorry.

CYRIL:
     Well, if you know--then you understand that I can never see Ariadne again.

GABRIELLE (softly):
     You're really in love with her, aren't you...

CYRIL (lowers his eyes):
     It was amazing. When we talked, it was if we'd known each other forever.

GABRIELLE:
     Do you still want to go back to being--you know--what you were?

CYRIL (chuckles unhappily):
     A dog? I'm not even that sure anymore. You know, when Aphrodite turned me into a man, it seemed to me that being human was really tough. As a dog, you just--do what comes naturally. As a human, you have to make all these decisions, all the time.

GABRIELLE (nods sympathetically):
     Do you still feel that way?

CYRIL:
     I'm not sure... There are so many--possibilities. You know, after Aphrodite cast her spell, I didn't have much hope that it could work. I mean, why would a princess ever fall in love with a guy like me?

GABRIELLE:
     Cyril, I think you're a great guy.

CYRIL (smiles faintly):
     Do you say that to every guy you've known for ten minutes? Anyway, I decided I had to get used to being human. I started learning things. Like reading.

GABRIELLE (her eyes lighting up):
     You like to read?

CYRIL:
     I love it. It's like--you can stay in one place and discover a whole new world. I started reading one of Homer's poems recently.

GABRIELLE:
     That's wonderful. (smiles) I bet you want to know how it ends.

CYRIL (wistfully):
     Sort of... But still, when Aphrodite showed up and told me she was going to fix me up to meet a princess, I thought I'd go for it. It seemed--better. (pauses) I just didn't expect to fall in love with--Ariadne like that. (dreamy) Isn't she the most beautiful girl in the world?

GABRIELLE (touches his hand):
     Cyril, every girl is the most beautiful girl in the world to somebody.

CYRIL:
     So--about being human... Just recently, Gabrielle, I had started thinking that it's not such a bad thing to have to make decisions. And then, suddenly, I have to make the worst decision of my life. (shudders) Can you imagine what it would be like if I kissed her?

GABRIELLE:
     I know. (sighs) Aphrodite's my friend, but she's really made a mess of this one... Cyril, I'm sure she meant well.

CYRIL:
     I know. She's so sweet and nice, you really can't get mad at her. I wish I could...

GABRIELLE:
     Cyril, there's no point in getting mad. Maybe we can come up with some solution...

CYRIL (shrugs):
     How? Aphrodite told me the spell couldn't be reversed.

GABRIELLE:
     Look, you've got Xena on your side. She's very good at solving problems. If anyone can find a way out, she can. (Cyril nods and sighs, then takes a sip of wine) Cyril, Ariadne is out there looking for you--

CYRIL (gives her a horrified look):
      What?

GABRIELLE:
     She jumped in the saddle and rode off after you, just a few minutes after you left. She may be coming here.

CYRIL (tries to get up but she grabs his arm):
     I have to get out of here, then.

GABRIELLE:
     Cyril, no! You have to talk to her. Right now, she's very hurt and confused. She's wondering if it's her fault, because she didn't tell you that she was the princess. She's wondering if you were just toying with her. She doesn't know what to think.

Behind her, in the background, a door can be heard opening.

CYRIL (a strange look on his face):
     She'll know.

Suddenly, he takes Gabrielle in his arms and passionately kisses her. Gabrielle's eyes widen and she makes a muffled sound of protest.

CYRIL (pulls back, quietly):
     I'm sorry.

GABRIELLE (baffled):
     Cyril--what are you--

Following his stare, she turns around and sees Ariadne standing a few feet behind them. Her posture is very stiff, her arms at the side of her body, her head thrown back slightly. Her dress has a couple of rips in it, the hem is muddy. Her arms and face have been scratched by the branches. Slowly, she starts coming toward Cyril and Gabrielle.

CYRIL (hisses at Gabrielle):
     Don't you dare tell her! (As Ariadne comes closer, his face softens and he gazes at her adoringly) Ariadne...you came after me.

ARIADNE (harshly, her voice a little hoarse):
     You want to know why? Just so I could tell you that I don't care about you one bit. I bet you thought I'd fallen in love with you, right? Well, I'd rather marry the first man who comes through that door than have anything to do with you. In fact, I swear by Aphrodite that that's exactly what I'm going to do!

GABRIELLE:
     Ariadne--

Cyril kicks her. Ariadne walks away stiffly and sits down at a table some distance away.

CYRIL (quietly):
     I have to leave... No, wait--if I leave, she'll know I'm running from her and then she'll know how I really feel--

GABRIELLE (gives him a pained look):
     Cyril...you are very human.

CYRIL (to the tavern hostess, a middle-aged strongly built woman who is busy watering down a cup of wine):
     Excuse me. (The hostess turns to him) Could you do me a favor? I'm going to go up to my room now. Could you please lock me in?

The hostess looks skeptically at him and then at Ariadne.

HOSTESS (briskly):
     Nope. Can't.

CYRIL:
     Why not?

HOSTESS (businesslike):
     Just put in a brand-new lock. It'd be a shame if you broke it down.

CYRIL (through clenched teeth):
     All right, all right. (He gets up. Gabrielle opens her mouth to speak but he shakes his head sadly.) Good-bye, Gabrielle. Thank you. And I'm sorry about-- (he blushes) that.

He rises. Just then, the door opens. Ariadne flinches and looks up. Xena stands in the doorway and Ariadne looks slightly relieved.

XENA:
     Ariadne. There you are.

ARIADNE (looks puzzled at first, not recognizing Xena, then obviously remembers her from the other inn and looks even more baffled):
     You followed me here?

Before Xena can answer, the door opens again and hits her in the behind. With a small "ow!", Xena steps aside, rubbing the sore spot. Captain Mopsus rushes in.

MOPSUS:
     My princess! Thank the gods you're safe!

A close-up of the dismayed look on Ariadne's face. Then, she gets hold of herself and slowly rises to her feet.

The camera pans over to Gabrielle, who looks at Ariadne in alarm.

ARIADNE (coldly):
     Captain Mopsus.

GABRIELLE:
     Ariadne, don't do it!

XENA (puzzled):
     Don't do what?

ARIADNE (to Mopsus):
     Will you marry me?

In a general shocked silence, a stupid disbelieving grin spreads on Mopsus' ruddy face.

MOPSUS:
     Well...if your royal highness so commands...

ARIADNE (bitterly):
     Good.

CYRIL:
     Ariadne, no!

ARIADNE:
     I don't want to hear another word out of you.

CYRIL:
     Ariadne, please listen--

ARIADNE (to Mopsus):
     We're going home today.

She heads toward the door. Beaming, Mopsus attempts to take her arm.

ARIADNE (gives him a chilly look):
     I said I was going to marry you. I didn't say you could touch me.

The grin on Mopsus' face gives way to a look of comical disappointment. Ariadne walks past Xena and out the door, followed by Mopsus. Xena gives Gabrielle a "What the hell?" look as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO