7.15 Princess of Thieves


ACT THREE

FADE IN

Anticlea is bright red with fury and she's now standing. Her hands are wrapped around the cell bars so tight that her knuckles are white.

ANTICLEA (her voice thick with hate):
     How dare you! Your stupid King killed my mother! You yourself said he wasn't a nice guy. So why are you defending him, huh?

LAERTES:
     I wasn't defending him, I was just...

ANTICLEA (shakes her head and interrupts):
     And I thought you were a nice guy. Guess I was wrong.

LAERTES (gets up and steps close to the bars of the cell and shouts):
     I'm not the one going around stealing things!

ANTICLEA (reaches through the bars and grabs his shirt):
     You're just as much of a jerk as your King! (sarcastic) You two related?

LAERTES (growls):
     If you must know, he's my father!

ANTICLEA (shocked):
     Then what are you doing down here in the dungeon?

LAERTES (looks down):
     It's Dad's idea of punishment...I told him he shouldn't be putting so many people in the dungeons and he sent me down here to guard them until I've learned my lesson.

ANTICLEA (fiercely):
     And you're still sticking up for him!

LAERTES (defensive):
     You love your father even though he's a thief. I love mine even though he's a despot.

ANTICLEA (derisively):
     You're just a spoiled royal brat, aren't you?

LAERTES:
     And you're just a no-good thief!

ANTICLEA:
     Pig!

LAERTES:
     Harpy!

While shouting at each other, the two have been getting closer and closer; they now stand nose to nose. They look as if they're about to hurl more insults...and then their lips are joined in a passionate kiss.

CUT TO

The outside of a castle. Two guards are standing at the gate engrossed in conversation.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1:
     Light and airy in the summer but so breezy in the winter.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #2:
     Togas? I dunno... In theory they sound great but when you get down to basics, you're wearing a bed sheet.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1:
     Romans! What do you expect? The men wear skirts for Gaia's sake.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #2:
     I could never take an order from a man in a skirt let alone wear one.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1:
     I don't know...I think you've got the legs for it.

Pan back to see Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus crouched behind some bushes. All three are desperately trying not to laugh.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     So do we have some elaborate plan to get in there?

XENA:
     I really don't think we need one.

AUTOLYCUS (sarcastic):
     So what, we just walk in there?

XENA:
     That's what I was thinking.

GABRIELLE:
     Are you crazy? (pauses) Actually, considering what happened in Lycia last week...don't answer that. (grins)

XENA (growls):
     Ha ha ha. Very funny.

AUTOLYCUS:
     What are you two on about?

XENA:
     Never mind. I don't think they're a threat, just walk on by, say hi and keep on walking.

CUT TO

Anticlea and Laertes still kissing through the bars.

CUT TO

Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus standing up and brushing twigs off themselves.

CUT TO

Anticlea and Laertes still kissing through the bars.

CUT TO

Xena is the first to move and she makes her way towards the gate. Autolycus and Gabrielle follow reluctantly behind.

XENA:
     Hi!

Xena walks confidently passed the guards; they look up quickly.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1 and #2:
     Morning.

They both go back to the previous conversation. Gabrielle and Autolycus look at each other and shrug before following their friend.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1:
     Hey wait a minute.

Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus all turn and hide their worried expressions.

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #2 (to Xena):
     What do you think of a man in a toga?

GUARD OUTSIDE GATE #1:
     Yeah; manly or not?

XENA (raises an eyebrow):
     Um...depends on the wearer.

GABRIELLE (smiles):
     She prefers black leather.

The three friends continue passing the guards who once again go back to their conversation.

XENA (hisses):
     Gabrielle, I did not appreciate that!

GABRIELLE (brightly):
     So where do you think Anticlea will be?

XENA:
     Most likely the dungeon.

CUT TO

Laertes and Anticlea both pull back rather flushed. Smiles quickly turn to annoyed pouts as they remember the fighting.

ANTICLEA (breaking the ice):
     So your father is the King?

LAERTES:
     Unfortunately.

ANTICLEA:
     If you were here in this cell, do you think your father would come and save you?

LAERTES:
     No, not my father...but yours...

ANTICLEA:
     I just...

Laertes moves closer, Anticlea moves closer, their lips lock yet again. Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus burst through the door just in time to see the private moment. Xena raises an eyebrow wryly; Gabrielle blushes; Autolycus looks furious.

Xena

XENA (smart-alecky):
     Told you she'd be in the dungeon.

GABRIELLE:
     And under such terrible torture, too.

AUTOLYCUS:
     Get your hands off my daughter!

Laertes and Anticlea both turn suddenly at the yelling.

ANTICLEA (stunned):
     Daddy?

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE