ACT ONE
FADE IN
Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus are sitting in a busy tavern. Each has a bowl in front of them containing their lunch. Gabrielle is pouting because hers is obviously not Indian.
GABRIELLE (in between a mouthful):
So, Autolycus, how have you been? Come across a fountain of youth in your travels?
AUTOLYCUS (takes a breath):
I'm a demigod.
GABRIELLE (spits a mouthful of mead across the table):
What?
XENA (raises an eyebrow skeptically):
Oh really? How did you know that and when did you know it?
AUTOLYCUS:
Well, after the last time I saw you, business was a little slow. I headed back home and only did small jobs, you know, a statue here, a purse there. You get the picture. (sighs) Then one day this King came knocking on my door, said he had a job for me, something big. I may have been laying low but I was still the King of Thieves and was not about to give up the title. Unfortunately my wife didn't agree.
GABRIELLE:
You were married?
AUTOLYCUS:
I got married about a year after you two disappeared. Figured any chance with Xena was gone. (cheeky grin)
XENA (uncomfortable look):
Back to the point.
AUTOLYCUS:
Penelope, that was my wife, pleaded and begged for me not to go. Well my ego being the size of Mount Olympus I went. Stole the statue; that was easy, nothing to it. How was I to know the old beaten down building was actually a temple of Zeus' that was still in working order. There was other stuff in there, hidden where the statue was. The King's boys hauled it out of there and I went back for a better look around.
GABRIELLE (deadpan):
For your commission you mean.
AUTOLYCUS:
Whatever you want to call it. There were traps, lots of them. Worse than any others I'd ever encountered. I ended up on a cold stone floor in the dark; with no way out.
XENA (encouraging):
What happened?
AUTOLYCUS:
At first I was sure I was going to die. I had no food, and only a little water dripping from the ceiling. But then I thought--nah, they're not gonna get the King of Thieves that easily. So I started chipping away at the wall with another rock. A month went by and I was still alive, even though I was starving. That's when I started to think something funny was going on. It took me a year to get through that wall and to my freedom.
GABRIELLE (clearly amazed):
Wow, then what happened?
AUTOLYCUS:
I ate enough to pick the whole forest clean. (chuckles) I slowly made my way back home, but exhaustion won me over one day and I took refuge in an oracle's temple. This woman was weird (shudders theatrically) ...no, more than weird, she was scary. But she did have some interesting things to say.
[FLASHBACK]
The Oracle is standing over Autolycus' form; she is waving her hands around in the air. All of a sudden she stops and her green eyes transform into pools of black. Autolycus looks terrified but is too tired to run.
ORACLE (chanting to herself):
Blood of God, Blood of God, Blood of God, Blood of God. Your veins are immortal, within you flows life.
AUTOLYCUS (confused):
Mind explaining in non-oracle terms?
The Oracle looks straight at Autolycus with her dark eyes and whispers.
ORACLE:
The son of Hermes.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
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AUTOLYCUS:
Lets just say the minute I felt better I was out of there. I wasn't entirely sure if I believed the old bag but if it was true, it sure explained a whole lot.
XENA:
So Hermes is your father?
AUTOLYCUS:
I guess so. The truth of it really only hit me when I didn't age, that was just...too weird.
XENA:
What happened to your wife?
AUTOLYCUS (sad look):
I'm getting to that. After weeks of traveling I made it home. My homecoming was not what I expected...Penelope was dead.
GABRIELLE:
I'm so sorry.
AUTOLYCUS:
Thanks.
XENA:
How did she die?
AUTOLYCUS:
Childbirth. A neighbor informed me that only a few days after I left she had found out there was a bun in the oven. I really do have bad timing. I'd lost my wife but gained a daughter, Anticlea.
GABRIELLE (the "bard" spark returning to her voice):
You have a daughter! How old is she, what does she look like, is she...
XENA (motions for Autolycus to continue):
Slow down, Gabrielle.
AUTOLYCUS (smiles):
She's just turned twenty-three. She has my eyes and her mother's hair, prettiest girl in all of Greece.
XENA (smiles):
Spoken like a true father.
AUTOLYCUS (smile falters):
Unfortunately, she has inherited my sense of adventure...but not the skills to go with it.
GABRIELLE (confused):
What do you mean?
XENA (interrupts):
He means that she's a thief as well, but not a very good one.
AUTOLYCUS (sigh):
Yep, you got it. She tried to steal something from King Eurystheus, and now he's got her imprisoned. We have a score to settle and he's using her as bait.
GABRIELLE:
What did she try to steal?
XENA (gives him a probing look):
Something to do with the Olympians?
AUTOLYCUS:
Yeah.
XENA:
Why am I not surprised.
[FLASHBACK]
Camera pans back to show a large cave illuminated in a red glow. Hephaestus is in a corner making weapons presumably for Ares. Zeus appears in a golden light. Hephaestus looks up from his work but does not move.
HEPHAESTUS:
What can I do for you, Zeus?
ZEUS:
I need you to make me a chalice of sorts.
HEPHAESTUS:
Another present for Mom?
ZEUS (irritated):
No. I want it to be in the form of a statue, and made of solid gold, I also want it sealed.
HEPHAESTUS (looks interested):
Well that's not an everyday request.
ZEUS:
Just do it!
HEPHAESTUS:
Fine, fine...don't get your thunderbolts in a twist, Dad.
Hephaestus picks up a piece of parchment and a quill. He licks the end and waits patiently for Zeus to describe what he wants.
ZEUS:
This statue must be stronger than the brass jar that held Ares.
HEPHAESTUS:
Gee you don't want to mention that little incident in front of him, I accidentally said someth--
Hephaestus stops when he sees the look on Zeus' face. The King of the Gods doesn't look too impressed.
ZEUS:
As I was saying, it must be strong. I don't want a Hydra to be able to get in this thing...or even worse, Hera.
HEPHAESTUS (under his breath):
That was way harsh...
ZEUS:
Sapphires for eyes, rubies for lips, make it beautiful, make it quick.
HEPHAESTUS:
I'll have it done in a candle mark, what exactly do you wanna put in it?
ZEUS (pulls out the white ball of light):
This.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
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GABRIELLE:
Wow. So Eurystheus has this statue now? And that's the statue Anticlea wanted to steal? Obviously, she's ambitious.
XENA (chuckles):
A chip off the old block.
AUTOLYCUS:
The story I heard is, Eurystheus is completely obsessed with the damn statue. Who knows what he might do to someone who tried to steal it...
GABRIELLE:
So what are you going to do?
AUTOLYCUS:
Rescue my daughter, what else?
XENA:
Sounds like you could use some help.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
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