ACT THREE FADE IN The throne room. Gabrielle is in Ares' arms. Everyone else is frozen, staring at the two of them. Iobatas is frowning, Queenie looks disappointed, and Xena is furious. A guard dashes into the room. GUARD: IOBATAS (horrified): Iobatas turns and runs. Queenie and Xena exchange a worried glance and Gabrielle moves a tiny bit closer to Ares. At that moment, a shadow falls through the window as the lower limb of the sun touches the horizon: it's begun to set. Gabrielle blinks, then gasps, backs up and pushes Ares away. GABRIELLE: Ares opens his mouth to say something and finds himself speechless once again. He looks from Xena to Gabrielle, shrugs, and goes after Iobatas, with a look that says, "might as well get this over with." Queenie trails along, leaving Xena and Gabrielle alone. XENA: GABRIELLE: XENA: The noise outside gets louder. Xena and Gabrielle exchange a nervous look. GABRIELLE (small voice): Shouts of "cheap!" and "today only!" are heard. XENA and GABRIELLE: CUT TO The exercise room. Iobatas is panting and straining, a pained look on his face, as Ares leads him through the routines. Iobatas stops, and when the noise of the exercise machines ceases for a moment, he becomes aware of the noise outside. IOBATAS (eagerly): Despite being out of shape, he makes such a quick exit that Ares follows him with a surprised look. Ares shakes his head and rolls his eyes. The camera pans over to Queenie, who is peering from around the pile of equipment. QUEENIE: ARES (an "oh swell" look crosses his face): Queenie saunters over and circles around him, admiring him. He turns with her, keeping his eye on her as she preens for him. QUEENIE: Ares grabs her hand before she can touch anything else. ARES: QUEENIE: ARES (improvising wildly): QUEENIE: She threads the fingers of the hand he's holding through his, and bats her eyelashes at him. It's Greba squared and he nearly groans aloud. QUEENIE: Queenie kisses Ares square on the mouth just as Xena, Gabrielle and Iobatas come running back into the room. Queenie is hanging on Ares' neck like an ornament on a Christmas tree, but he's as wooden as the pine itself. His eyes are open and his hands are at his sides. When they come in, he holds out his arms in an "I'm innocent here" gesture. XENA: IOBATAS: ARES: He gives Xena an exasperated and somewhat plaintive look, as if asking, "Do I have to keep pretending to be mortal?" XENA: Ares glares at her but subsides and the guards lead him away. IOBATAS (calls after them): QUEENIE: IOBATAS: Queenie opens her mouth to protest, thinks better of it, and goes. Iobatas, Xena and Gabrielle walk back to the throne room. Iobatas stands puffing and blowing while Xena and Gabrielle look at him in alarm. GABRIELLE: IOBATAS: XENA (smirks): They are interrupted by a growing rumble that resolves itself into a babble of excited voices. IOBATAS: But there's no one left to bar the doors. The guards are either taking "Bellus" to the dungeon or Queenie to her chambers. The salesmen burst into the room, waving scrolls and shouting. Xena and Gabrielle step between Iobatas and the mob. XENA: FLACCUS: XENA: The salesmen murmur among themselves; this is not what they were counting on. They take a step backwards. FLACCUS: Iobatas tries to back away--into a pillar. FLACCUS (ignores both Xena and Gabrielle and concentrates on the weak link): IOBATAS: FLACCUS (smarmy): VOLUMNUS: DECUS: IOBATAS (weakly): DECUS: Iobatas's eyes begin to gleam with an unholy light. He stands and moves toward the salesmen, obviously entranced. GABRIELLE: XENA: The salesmen begin to converge on Iobatas, moving in until he's surrounded and chattering at him, waving their scrolls. An overhead shot makes him look like a piece of meat in the middle of a school of piranhas. XENA (quiet and calm but her voice cuts through the bedlam like a knife): FLACCUS: XENA: Gabrielle rolls her eyes and braces herself. FLACCUS: XENA (smiling): Instantly the room erupts in a fight. Xena does a back flip over Flaccus's head, lands behind him and yanks the strap of his bag down over his arms, pinning him. She kicks his legs out from under him and gives him a kick. He rolls across the floor, knocking down the other salesman as he goes. Some jump aside, two dash out the door, three more leap out of the window, but the others gather themselves together and make a counterattack. Xena meets the charge and Gabrielle wades into the fray, using her sais to block their blows and poking them in the sides. Sounds of 'oof' and 'ka-pow' are heard. Iobatas is staring at the fracas without moving, then he suddenly yells for his guards. The guards charge in and help Xena and Gabrielle mop up the last of the mob. They push them out of the room and bar the doors. Flaccus is lying under the window trying to wriggle out of the straps. He can't manage it, but he does get to his feet and stands there, swaying, his arms trapped at his sides. He flaps like a seal and yells. FLACCUS: XENA: Xena knocks him over like one of those dolls with all the weight in the bottom and rolls him toward the doors. She signals to the guards; they unbar the doors and throw them open, and Xena rolls Flaccus through the doors and gives him a shove. He goes rolling down the corridor, yelling, "Damn!" with every revolution. The last time, however, it sounds less like 'I'll get you for this' and more like 'I feel sick'. Xena comes back into the room, sits down at a table, and brushes her hands together in a 'that's taken care of' gesture. IOBATAS: GABRIELLE: IOBATAS (stung): XENA (her feet on the table): CUT TO The defeated encyclopedia salesmen gather outside the palace. FLACCUS (his voice a little wobbly, a greenish pallor on his face): CUT TO Xena, Gabrielle, Iobatas and the guards are still enjoying the glow from winning the fight. There's an additional glow from the torches, since it's now dark. Dinner is brought in. XENA: IOBATAS (stubbornly): GABRIELLE: IOBATAS (grumbling): The guards leave. IOBATAS (to Xena): XENA (a bit too hastily): IOBATAS (hopefully): XENA: GABRIELLE (innocently): A guard comes into the room, looking deeply puzzled. IOBATAS: GUARD (stammering): IOBATAS: GUARD: Xena and Gabrielle smirk at each other. IOBATAS: Xena's at a loss for words, but before either she or Iobatas can say anything else, they are interrupted by a second guard who comes running into the room, a look of horror on his face and a piece of parchment in his hand. GUARD #2: IOBATAS: GUARD #2 (holds out the parchment): FADE OUT END OF ACT THREE |